And maybe its beginning to sink in a little

Motivation.

I'm very aware that after i reach 20 st i give up - three times i've done this. It seems to be that i see those magical figures and i can't deal with what lies beyond it. Although everyone who knows me would say that i am an attention seeker (and shamelessly so), i hate any attention bought to me as a person or my body - only my actions. For some reason, i can deal with girls muttering 'fat cow' under their breathe as i walk past, but i cannot deal the sort of attention that implies that... hmmm.. thats stumped me... i guess the sort of attention that implies i am worth looking at. maybe? Not too sure. i think as well because i can see and feel the difference that weight loss makes on me i think i've done enough.

But anyway, my point is that i am worried that when i get to that stage... that magical 20 stone turining corner that i will give up again. So, i'm investing my time into looking up motivation. Funnily enough on the weight watchers boards they were discussin this the other day, people mentioned that their motivation was being able to fly without fear of not fitting in plane seats, not wanting their children to suffer the same problems, health problems, a special event (weddding, holiday), sick of being fat, to be able to buy clothes and (apart from the children) i've had all these events and they have not motivated me one little bit. I only JUST fit into plane seats, i do suffer health problems that mean sick days from work, i have had special events and i've just bought bigger sizes, i am sick to death of being fat and i do want to buy 'normal clothes' that cost less than a weeks worth of food.

And then after reading Fat Bridesmaid's Blog and her link to this on All and Sundry's Blog.

Although, I have linked it, I am also going to list the link below here as i really want it there to look at whenever i need motivation:

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Sept 16th: Things i have learnt about diet and fitness

(Speaking for myself only, your mileage may vary, different strokes for different folks, etc.)

It’s possible to change your eating patterns, but more importantly, it’s possible to change your eating preferences.

Transforming your body and mind takes time. If you try to rush the process, you’re doing it wrong.

Muscle is beautiful.

There is no such thing as not having enough time to exercise. If you can’t find the time, MAKE the time. This is entirely within your control, and telling yourself otherwise is simply an excuse.

When you put the right foods into your body, you will experience long-term positive effects. You could eat junk food and feel good for five minutes, or you could eat something healthy and feel good for hours.

As your body gets stronger and you stay committed to your health, every aspect of your life will improve. Every. Single. Aspect.

It feels amazing to treat your body like a partner instead of an enemy.
It’s better to find your own diet and fitness path than to follow a rigid set of instructions. It’s easier than you think to do this.

Working out isn’t easy or comfortable. Don’t expect it to be. If you’re not challenging yourself, you’re cheating yourself.

It takes about three months to establish a good routine and see the beginnings of the changes happening in your body.

Perfection doesn’t exist.

Keeping yourself in shape and healthy fills you with self confidence, and self confidence is the best feeling in the world.

There’s no reason why you shouldn’t start now. If you need to start over, that’s okay: start again now.

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I love this.

If you ahaven't already - go over there now!!

Today's session is brought to you by the letter 'M'

Today I will mostly be thinking about Motivation.

That is all

Ain't no stopping me now...

I was attempting to think of a witty title and this song came into my head, so people can now hate me as i'm sure it will be in your heads too :D (would a sorry help? I really mean it. Honest!)

I'm chuffed and gutted all at once today - i lost 2lbs (not sure where from, i'm thinking my toes are getting skinny), BUT i was only half a pound off totalling 25 lbs lost altogether, which would have been a nice little target - i think i'm going to give my self a goal of 50lbs lost by christmas - then it gives me a buffer so i can put a few back on with cider, beer-required chips and the xmas meal. Do you think that is realistic or am i pushing it slightly? I would dearly love to start 2009, 50 lbs less than i started 2008.

So, 2lbs... how did i get rid of that? I'm putting it down to exercise more than eating - don't get me wrong, i've been sticking to my points, with only one slip of two points over on thursday (mmmm... peanut butter on toast... how many points a tbsp!?!?) but exercise seems to have always been the way with me.

So, this week i did two aqua aerobics classes and my davina exercise video. Bizarrely, although i feel to disgusted with myself to make it to the gym that is 5 MINUTES WALK from my house, i'm apparently fine bounding about like a loon in my swimming costume whilst the one lane of 'normal' swimmers stare on in amazement (or is it shock? Not too sure.) I never really expected to feel exhausted after one of these, but my sleeping patterns are better than ever after starting these classes. Its a good exhausted though, not a omg!iwanttodienow exhausted. Then, like i said i did one of the Davina exercise DVDs: the The 'My Three 30 Minute Workouts' one. I love Davina (for those of you who aren't english, she presents Big Brother over here) and i love her exercise DVD's even more. And even better, they're split up into sections for 30 minutes (as the title probably suggests) but they do seriously work you out! My legs have felt like jelly for three days!

Finally, I've seen it on a few blogs and i'm thinking that i'm going to split the list of blogs that i'm following into sections: such as food/recipes, weight loss and creative/crafty things. So, i was mooching on the tinterweb for some recipe blogs that weren't all about full fat cream, three pounds of butter and half a tub of lard whilst your at it. And i found these, which i really like the look of - i haven't pointed them yet, which may be my downfall, but i am still stuck with consuming a hell of a lotta points a the moment so, we'll see, fingers crossed they won't break the point budget!

Pine Nut Tabbouleh from the Whole Foods Market website
AND
Lemon Garbanzo Salad with Feta from the MyRecipes website
AND
Gluten Free Banana Bread

Don't they all look scrummy!

Hope those of you who have their weigh-in today did well.

Such a hap-hap-happy day!

Well, my title to this entry lied (amsosorry!), actually I have had such a crappy crappy crappy day. I'm not going to go into details, but i am feeling so frustrated and angry and fed up as things just seem to be spiralling out of control again.

Hence the picture above that I found in my email box this evening.

But if you noticed there is one teeny tiny little GO! sign in the middle of all the stops and this is appropriate as amongst all the STOPS! going on in my life at the moment, there is one GO! and that is my weight loss and fitness. And out of everything i really have to be thankful for that as it never used to be. I even went into the local supermarket to pick up a magazine and something to eat and i didn't even go any where near the ice-cream aisle, when normally i would go and eat a good sized tub to make me feel better. I am SUCH an emotional eater, even if I'm only just beginning to own up to it, to myself. But, i didn't do that at all! I even walked through the chocolate aisle where there was BOGOF (buy one get one free) offers and Dairy Milk Flakes (and omgiloveflakessomuch... i once ate eight in a row... no more pigletty eating though!) AND i even walked home instead of waiting for the little local bus or ringing and pleading for a lift. AND, i did not get exhausted which i normally would.

For all these things I am happy and glad that SOME things in my life are going OK.

Also, I have become slightly addicted to watching old repeated episodes of America's Biggest Loser - i LOVE this series, i am currently watching season three and its great. I cry at every single episode, its such an emotional roller coaster. Any one who hasn't cried at least one tear at at least one episode has no soul!!! I wish they would do box sets, you can even buy Big Brother on DVD so why not Biggest Loser!

I was going to say that I find Amy (because she is so tall and now looks like an amazonian!) and Kai (because losing weight allowed her to let down her defenses) the most inspirational, but actually i really like Heather as well as her determination and her kick-ass attitude rocks. Amy, with co-contestant Marty, has gone on to change the lives and create a new business around what they new best: Reality Wellness Inc is, as they say on their website, where 'Amy and Marty want to help you start now!' On one article on the website, Amy says that she wrote herself a letter 'I wrote down how my life would improve and change if I lost weight. During hard times I could take it out and motivate myself.' This seemed a good idea to me.

So, i am going away with the Biggest Loser theme tune playing in my head (What have you done today, to make you feel proud by Heather Small) with the knowledge that, actually, i am doing extremely well and, to borrow a mantra, I am beautiful work in progress.

I've got that slinky feeling...

I've seen on quite a few blogs that they choose to have recipe days i.e. hurrah its recipe Thursday - here have a recipe! so I'm following on in the spirit of that and naming this historical moment: THE START OF RECIPE TUESDAY!! (realistically, it will probably become fortnightly Tuesday... but we'll go with what we can at the moment)

Today, i followed the weight watchers recipe (found in an old magazine) for Ham and Spring Onion Croquettes - oh my dear god, but they were good! Seriously, everyone was telling me to shut up because i kept telling everyone how yummy they were... i had a few homer simpson moments where i almost drooled over them.

Ham And Spring Onion Croquettes

3.5 points per serving, 15 mins to prepare, 20-25 to cook, serves 4

600g potatoes, peeled and chopped
1 tbsp wholegrain mustard
low fat cooking spray
spring onions - bunch
100g ham on the bone - chopped
100g frozen peas - defrosted
1 egg white, beaten
60 g dried natural breadcrumbs
4 tbsp picalilli, to serve (i chose not to - picalilli is the devils work)

1. Bring a large of pan of water to the boil, add the potatoes and cook for r15 minutes until tender. Drain well and mash with the mustard

2. Spray a small frying pan with low fat spray and heat. Add the spring onions and cook, stirring, for 2-3 minutes until softened. Stir the spring onions into the mash with the ham pieces and peas.

3. Shape the mixture into 8 sausages. Dip each into the beaten egg white, then coat in the breadcrumbs and set aside. Spray a frying pan with low fat spray and heat. Reduce the heat and cook the croquettes for 3-4 minutes, turning regularly, until golden all over and hit in the middle.

Well, it did take a bit too long pan frying, so i might try the old oven next time. But these, with a salad, were unbelievably scrumptious - worth the effort!!

Also, i am really glad, as a parcel came through the post for me and it was HALF-ASSED the weight loss memoir of Pasta Queen. Hers was the first weight loss blog i ever read and i literally sat there reading backwards through time for a whole afternoon, checked out her incredible shrinking pictures and then thought 'if she can do it, so can i!' (and even better i bought it second-hand off of amazon UK and its brand new, the spine isn't even broken! yay!) I'm really looking forward to settling down to read it, even if its looking like it might not be till the weekend!

OH! and before i sign off, i bought a dress - a beautiful midnight blue, jersey, knee length wrap over - and its a size down and it fits! realistically, i know its jersey, i know its a stretchy material. But i don't care - i feel slinky!!!

Weight Loss - woo!

Well, its another yay me - as i have lost 3.5 lbs - huzzah!! Which i'm quite chuffed with and it puts my total weight lost at 22lbs which is rather marvellous.

So, just to make me even more big headed - my BMI has gone from...

Before: 44.1
Now: 41

which i'm sure just makes me mildly morbidly obese!

Anyway - i feel exhausted and i feel like bed so i'll try and get on later this week!

Measurements

This is the first time i've done this properly since i've started losing weight, other than on the same day i joined, i bought a new pair of jeans in the largest size that i will EVER buy a pair of clothes in ever again and my waist measured 57" (and the tape measure only reaches 59"!!)

So...

Left Upper Arm: 17"
Left Thigh: 32"
Waist: 50"
Hips: 55"
Bust: 52"
Shoes: Size 10 (euro 44)

No wonder i feel like such a square - jeez!
But anyway - yay! good news! - i've lost two inches round my waist, not sure where they've gone, but i can feel it in my work clothes and my belts - i've gone down a notch which is a wondrous thing!

ALL work and NO play makes soggywetlettuce a very dull girl indeed!

...The last week or two??? Not Bloody likely!!

I've had two WI's since i last blogged and there is good news
the first i lost 3.5 - yay me! Not quite sure how that happened... I'm going with motivation, determination and it being the end of the month and severely lacking the cash!!

Then i had a very very very busy week - work do's, friends returning from afar and pay day week (which, lets face it, does generally = food/drink/both in some form) and generally consumed my own body weight in alcohol and nachos. Not really conducive to weight loss which then resulted in WI no2 which resulted in 2.5 weight gain, my first gain since i started back in june.

I can't say i'm not a bit gutted. I am. Weight gain is never nice no matter how teeny tiny it is BUT.. you know what... i enjoyed this week a hell of a lot. I saw sides to people i hadn't seen before/for a while and had a real good time. I even enjoyed the hang over - FULL FAT chrisps, flat lemonade (hangover cure for winners!), films and pyjamas = best weekend ever!

Anyway, what i'm trying to say is that besides the bonding and binging The best thing is that before when i've done weight loss groups - a weight gain would mean that i would generally have a nervous breakdown then eat my weight in chocolate, ice cream and chrisps and what ever else was about when no one else was looking. Now, i'm more realistic - there are always going to be birthdays, work do's, friends coming and friends going and therefore there will always be the chance to drink and eat in a way that certainly goes over allotted points for that week, but there is no point in regretting that you didn't do this and you didn't go to that - thats surely what weight watchers is kind of all about - getting you to the place of no regrets.

And, i don't regret that week, or its weight gain one little bit.

Listening to: A Town called Malice